if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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