tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
