We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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