you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
