I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
