had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
