..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
