Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
