So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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