Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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