he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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