I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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