So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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