he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
