Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
