I need help removing her.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
