May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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