So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize