Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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