I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
