we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
