at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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