guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize