I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
