so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my phone needs a breathalizer
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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