I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
