party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
