I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
