There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
