took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
