it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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