So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
