i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
