just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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