At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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