Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
