It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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