I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we should paint friendship bongs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
