she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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