don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
