dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
