Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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