Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
