I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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