This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
