She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
