if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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