I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
