omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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