I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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