Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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