oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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