That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
