Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
