Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize