i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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