By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
