dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
