there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
