we have officially lost it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
