I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
