i dont even know how to be here
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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