my phone needs a breathalizer
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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