brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
