The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
