He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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