Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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