Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
