So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
